Confidence

I find that when I stop doing an activity for a few years, and then pick it up again, deep and profound insights about that activity come crashing into me.  This time, it's drawing with a brush.  I never trusted myself to draw with a brush.  There were occasions when I did it, and I had great results - such as a cat study that I painted for my college-entry portfolio way back as a nugget.  But then I would try again and it was like every mark I made was put on the paper with a wet noodle.

Now I get it.  Drawing with a brush is exactly like playing music.  The minute you doubt yourself, you start screwing up your performance.  It takes an absurd belief in yourself to make a confident line.

And part of making this medium work for me involves believing that even if the line isn't at all what I intended, that it's still a good line that I can work with.  As long as I can embrace the flubs and erratic wiggles, then the medium is still mine to do with as I please.

Another part of it is that I have to calm myself in a meditative manner before making the first mark.  Ironically, I seem to be able to do this consistently even though I arrive at each little art session jittery with eagerness to use my precious time well.

Anyway, the above is much more tight than I plan to paint my book illustrations, but it needed to be done.  And the fact that I could do it loads me with more confidence.

And there still is no good way to put wings on a quadruped.